03 September 2008


This seems to happen every year around this time. I'm in the middle of my second week of school and here it is again. That feeling, that God forsaken feeling. Its sort of like someone punched me in the stomach and is now sitting on my chest. It is better sometimes, worse others. I start to second guess everything in my life. My relationships, activities, goals, dreams, plans...everything. Sometimes I catch myself breathing really hard, gasping for breath. All I can come up with is that, once again, I am going through a transition time. It is called change.

I hate this feeling of doubt and uncertainty. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I have no clue if I am on the right path. Alot of the time I have trouble hearing God; or at least I feel like I do. I feel so distanted from everything and everyone I love. Luke, my family, Zephyr...its like I have left one life and returned to another. And I sometimes wonder if I even like these lives. I feel like a little kid again, just wanting to pack up and run away. I have no where that I truly belong, or at least that is what my heart seems to be telling me. And I think waayy too much about it. Sometimes I think so much that I overwhelm myself and start to cry.

And the saddest part is that I don't know how to stop it. It will go away eventually; it always does. But for now, I am so frustrated that I way to scream and cry. I hate this feeling and I don't know what to do. So, I'll give it to God once again, try not to think about it, and pray with all of my heart that I will be back to normal soon.