As a college student, people always told me, "Your think you're ready for the 'real world,' but you have no idea what you're getting yourself into." I always found this attitude to be a bit cynical and just shook off such comments. On top of this, I've never done very well with change. I mean, I know not many people do, but change is extremely hard for me and I always seem to forget this...until more change happens. This week has been a giant week of change for me. I can honestly say that I have been walking more in faith in the last four days than I have in the last year. This blog post is really only for me so that I can vent, get the "change" off of my chest. Yes, I know you all are reading it, but I really have nothing to hide. All I have is an honest, easily-broken, sincere, and eager heart that is clinging to God through the many transitions being made in my life right now.
First off, a little good news. I accepted a job on Tuesday with a marketing/graphic design/visual communication company in Corpus Christi called McLeod Creative. I feel very blessed to have been given the opportunity to join this amazing team of creative and driven people. More specifically, I'll be the Sales Executive for a magazine publication that McLeod produces called The One Bride Guide. It's the fastest growing bridal magazine in South Texas and has huge plans for even more expansion in the near future. This will be keeping me very busy! Although I can't really go into great detail, there are a couple of other really cool projects in the works at McLeod and I can't wait to be a part of these as well. Today was my first day of work and I'm already excited to go back tomorrow. This is a good sign, right? :)
And for some more good news, I signed a lease on an apartment in Corpus Christi. It's so cute! Mom came down to Corpus and helped me look all over the city for a place to live. I'm very proud to say that the apartment is completely in my name, I passed my first official credit check, and rented my apartment without a co-signer. Cool, huh? Well, for me it is. This made me feel like a real big girl. I know you may be thinking, "Wait a minute. Why is Sara signing a lease for an apartment in Corpus with Luke out at camp and they're getting married in August and..." This leads me to some more, not as cool, news.
Luke and I have decided to postpone the wedding. No, we haven't broken up. We're still engaged and love each other very much. But for the first time in five years, we now live in the same town. We've only ever spent our summers together out at Camp Zephyr. After the weekend of my graduation and a lot of serious talking, we've decided that right now just doesn't feel right; we need more time. We want to live in the same city, actually "date" consistently for the first time ever, have the chance to take pre-marital counseling in a not so rushed manner, and talk through a few things. I don't think either one of us truly realized how much pressure a wedding can put on a couple. On top of that, I'm starting a new job and he's moving into his busiest part of the year our at Zephyr. So for now, the wedding is on hold. We're still in love, but just moving a little slower these days. Although this was an extremely hard decision for us to make, we both feel like its right for right now and we're trusting in God's timing and provision.
So, yeah. These are my changes, transitions, daily struggles, challenges. If you would have asked me a couple of months ago what I would be doing after graduation, I would have never expected for it to be writing a blog post such as this. There is a lot of excitement in taking your first "big girl" job, signing for your first apartment without your parents, and whole-heartedly seeking God in huge life decisions, but it is also extremely scary and has left me more vulnerable than I think I've ever felt. This morning as I was drinking a cup on coffee on my way to work, God laid Phillipians 4:6 on my heart, which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." This is exactly what I've been doing all day. Day by day, hour by hour really, I've been praying and petitioning that God would give me peace and hold on to me so tightly during this transitional time in my life. I also heard Addison Road's song, "Hope Now," on the radio this morning on my way to work and a couple of the words really caught my attention. In the first verse it says, "When I call out Your name, something inside awakes in my soul. How quickly I forget I'm Yours." I think I forgot this for a little bit, but I'm aware more than ever these days that I am His. And I know my Abba Father is in control.
My heart is also heavy today for a very different reason. I just found out that a sweet friend of mine who was in BRH Choir at Baylor with me has been diagnosed with "ocular melanoma," or eye cancer. She will soon be intensely examined to see whether or not the cancer has spread to other parts of her body and from there, decisions will be made on how to best treat the cancer. The answer could be radiation, chemotherapy, or the removal of an eye. The good news is that she is in high spirits and she's got the most incredible BRH family that is praying its guts out for her right now. God has proven Himself and His control over my life too many times to count and I know He will be faithful through this time in Katy's life. I can't help but think of 2 Corinthians 5:7, "We walk by faith, not by sight." I know God has an incredible plan for Katy and although my heart is so broken for her and her family in these tough times, I know we're about to witness a miracle. Please join with me and many others in prayer for Katy Reeves and her family.
I don't know what you're struggling with right now. Maybe you this no one does. But God does. "Everything rides on hope now...Be anxious for nothing, present your requests to God...Walk by faith, not by sight...Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come." Amen?
No matter what any of us are going through, the good or the bad, He's got us. Why is it that we are so quick to forget this? I hope that today and forever, you can find peace in our Mighty God.