30 December 2008

Peace = Hamburgers, Mafia, and my Zephyr Family

Its funny how after six months, nothing has changed.

At 1pm this afternoon, the summer staff of 2008 began to roll into camp after following signs that read "You're almost there! Yay!" and "Keep going! You're almost home!" As this amazing group of college students reunited, something in the air changed. It was as if the world became lighter, stress disappeard and burdens were lifted. Burgers were on the grill and, I promise you, families on the other side of the lake could hear the shriek of giddy girls as we jumped back into the arms of friends. I haven't felt peace like this since this past summer and, as if they're hugs and smile were magic, my world was peaceful once again. It literally took minutes; I was home.

This probably sounds awful because as a college student, you "go home" to your parents, siblings, etc. But when I go home, I am at Zephyr, reunited with the people that have challenged and changed me for the better. I will never be the same because of this family. The word "family" doesn't even suffice for me. I think I need to come up with something even stronger. Its a bondage I never want to be set free from. These people, these angels sent to me from God, have captured my heart and won't let go. And I'm not fighting it. I am currently sitting on a bottom bunk in Jackson, with Olivia above me and Jordan and Erika next to me on the right. I wouldn't exchange this moment for the world. I hear showers running and boys hanging out by the campfire outside. These are sounds that will stay with me forever. The girls and I will talk all night long and I will pray tonight, as I lay in my bed, that God will let the next 36 hours drag and last for as long as they possibly can.

Tonight we ate hamburgers that Stu Dog cooked for us. They were so big and juicy! After dinner, Justin and Clayton from the Justin Graves Band led worship and Trevor Carpenter brought The Word. There is nothing like having the leaders of Zephyr, the men we look up to as summer staffers, encourage and revive us through food, worship and prayer in the Lord. Afterwards we played tons of silly games like "Bibbity, Bibbity Bop" and "Mafia." I thought tonight was fun, but I know tomorrow is going to be crazy!

For now, I am going to just soak up the precious moments that surround me. Like just a few shorts months ago, Erika just told Jordan and I goodnight and that she loved us. Those words warmed my heart like no other. No truer, more real words exist. I love these girls and guys more than they will ever know. I would give everything if I knew I could stay right here, at this time in my life with these exact people. I know this is not possible, but I will not let these sweet, sweet moments pass me by. I am going to hide them in my heart knowing that they will get me through any obstacles of life that I encounter. I am more home than I can even wrap my mind around right now.

Its funny how after six months, nothing has changed.

26 December 2008


I've been struggling alot lately with the concept of God's plan for my life, what I want out of life, and where my life is headed.

When I was a little girl, I had alot of different dreams. I would watch different movies or read books about traveling, living in big cities, and going on great adventures. I dreamt of city lights, crazy romances, and an exhausting life of working the perfect job and late nights on the town. I pretty much desired to live in a Lauren Weisberger novel:) As I have gotten older, reality has kicked in a little bit. I still believe that I could do all of these things, but I'm not quite sure if that is the life I still want to live or if it is the life God has planned for me. Plus, I am a small town girl from Beeville, Texas and I currently live in Waco, Texas. Its not like I'm on the highway to this exasborating life just yet.

My mother would love to tell you that alot of this has to do with my boyfriend who, like me, is a small town kid and who I've been dating for over three years now. However, I just don't buy that. Luke loves me and has told me numerous times to follow my dreams. He fully supports me chasing after the life I desire. Another thing I should probably throw out there is that I'm not quite sure if the lifestyle I used to dream about is the kind of life a Christian woman should live. I mean, when I think back to all of those books and movies that only fed my desire to run away from home and move to NYC, I remember beautiful women living in rediculously expensive apartments, going out at all hours of the night only to be present at swanky bars and celeb parties wearing hardly anything while their sugar daddies bought them drink after drink, etc..etc.. You get the idea. So yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not the life God has planned for me.

So where do I find that balance? I'll raise kids in a small town, most likely, but I refuse to end up in Hickville, USA where my permanent address currently resides. However, I'm pretty sure that moving to L.A. is out of the question. Too many temptations to live a life not pleasing to God. Again, how do I find a balance? I know that God gives us the desires of our hearts and that if we trust Him and acknowledge that he is who He says He is, He will direct our paths and make them straight, but I sometimes wish He would just open up the clouds and hand me a pearly little envelope that held inside of it the blueprints of my life. Wouldn't that be nice.

If anyone has any suggestions or advice, I'ld love to hear it.