26 December 2008


I've been struggling alot lately with the concept of God's plan for my life, what I want out of life, and where my life is headed.

When I was a little girl, I had alot of different dreams. I would watch different movies or read books about traveling, living in big cities, and going on great adventures. I dreamt of city lights, crazy romances, and an exhausting life of working the perfect job and late nights on the town. I pretty much desired to live in a Lauren Weisberger novel:) As I have gotten older, reality has kicked in a little bit. I still believe that I could do all of these things, but I'm not quite sure if that is the life I still want to live or if it is the life God has planned for me. Plus, I am a small town girl from Beeville, Texas and I currently live in Waco, Texas. Its not like I'm on the highway to this exasborating life just yet.

My mother would love to tell you that alot of this has to do with my boyfriend who, like me, is a small town kid and who I've been dating for over three years now. However, I just don't buy that. Luke loves me and has told me numerous times to follow my dreams. He fully supports me chasing after the life I desire. Another thing I should probably throw out there is that I'm not quite sure if the lifestyle I used to dream about is the kind of life a Christian woman should live. I mean, when I think back to all of those books and movies that only fed my desire to run away from home and move to NYC, I remember beautiful women living in rediculously expensive apartments, going out at all hours of the night only to be present at swanky bars and celeb parties wearing hardly anything while their sugar daddies bought them drink after drink, etc..etc.. You get the idea. So yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not the life God has planned for me.

So where do I find that balance? I'll raise kids in a small town, most likely, but I refuse to end up in Hickville, USA where my permanent address currently resides. However, I'm pretty sure that moving to L.A. is out of the question. Too many temptations to live a life not pleasing to God. Again, how do I find a balance? I know that God gives us the desires of our hearts and that if we trust Him and acknowledge that he is who He says He is, He will direct our paths and make them straight, but I sometimes wish He would just open up the clouds and hand me a pearly little envelope that held inside of it the blueprints of my life. Wouldn't that be nice.

If anyone has any suggestions or advice, I'ld love to hear it.

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