I Don't Want To Grow Up

So, I have been thinking alot about how after this semester I only have a year and a half left of school and it sort of scares me. I'm not ready to be a grown up yet. I love living with four of my best friends! I love being able to pick up and go do whatever I want to! I love not having to work and being able to skip class. When you are a grown-up, you can't just skip work and you definitely can't always do whatever you want. And once you get married, your four best friends can't live with you anymore. These are depressing thoughts, aren't they?! Well, all silliness aside, I really have been thiking about how college has flashed before my eyes and soon enough, it will be over. I do, however, think it is good that I have come to this realization because it has made me value that much more my friendships, late nights, crazy adventures, and the love that I have surrounding me at Bayor. It's funny how I hated being at Baylor my freshman year and now I can't imagine letting it go. I am going to submerge myself in college life and cherish every moment.

My Soul Cometh Alive

I have been so blessed the past couple of days to have some very special people stop by my life on their way to other destinations. God knew exactly what I was going to need when I was going to need it (of course) and my soul has come alive, once again, for the people and the places I love.

Yesturday Shaune, Tyler, and Kristie drove through Waco on their way back to Zephyr from the Conclave convention in Ft. Worth. They took me to dinner at Olive Garden and the dinner conversation was so familiar and comforting. We talked about camp and the amazing things God is doing out there right now; we talked about family, friends, our lives. It was like a breath of fresh air to spend time with these people. I love my Zephyr family more than they will ever know and so much of the good in me is because of what they have taught me about God's love and His ministry.

Today, which happened to be an extrememly drizzly day, was brightened for me by the smile of a sweet little girl named Gabi Graves. The Graves family, Justin, Michelle and Gabi, were also on their way back home, but to San Antonio, from the Conclave convention and stopped to take me to lunch at Wendy's. I have missed that precious family so much! It felt as if we had never been apart. Then we went to one of the many Baylor Spirit Shops where they bought Gabi a Baylor Bears t-shirt. She calls me "Sara Poopeck" now because I taught her what her poopeck is and I love that she call me this! (If you don't know, just ask!)I loved catching up with them and talking about next summer. I'm so motivated to serve the Lord even more now because of this family's example of obedience to and love of God. Life is better because I know them.

Thank you God for the way that you re-motivate me and remind me why I do what I do. Thanks for these amazing people that you have placed in my life and for the way that they have expanded my heart to hold so much more love than I could have ever imagined. I don't know what I'd do without them and their friendships. Please bless these people as they continue to serve you and reunite us all again soon. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I miss Zephyr. I want to go home now.

Change

This seems to happen every year around this time. I'm in the middle of my second week of school and here it is again. That feeling, that God forsaken feeling. Its sort of like someone punched me in the stomach and is now sitting on my chest. It is better sometimes, worse others. I start to second guess everything in my life. My relationships, activities, goals, dreams, plans...everything. Sometimes I catch myself breathing really hard, gasping for breath. All I can come up with is that, once again, I am going through a transition time. It is called change.

I hate this feeling of doubt and uncertainty. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I have no clue if I am on the right path. Alot of the time I have trouble hearing God; or at least I feel like I do. I feel so distanted from everything and everyone I love. Luke, my family, Zephyr...its like I have left one life and returned to another. And I sometimes wonder if I even like these lives. I feel like a little kid again, just wanting to pack up and run away. I have no where that I truly belong, or at least that is what my heart seems to be telling me. And I think waayy too much about it. Sometimes I think so much that I overwhelm myself and start to cry.

And the saddest part is that I don't know how to stop it. It will go away eventually; it always does. But for now, I am so frustrated that I way to scream and cry. I hate this feeling and I don't know what to do. So, I'll give it to God once again, try not to think about it, and pray with all of my heart that I will be back to normal soon.

Here We Go Again

Its about that time again. Summer is officially over. I'm back in Waco and I've been in school for one week now. This can only mean one thing: Luke and I are in a long distance relationship once again.

For those of you who don't know us, my boyfriend, Luke, and I have been dating for three years. And for three out of those three years, its been a long distance relationship. EXCEPT for during the summer, when Luke and I have the blessing of being able to work and serve at Camp Zephyr. I LIVE for these three months, the time when I'm able to see him everyday. And now, in what felt like the blink of an eye, thay are over once again. I think this realization just hit me.

It had been about two and a half weeks since I had left camp to go back to school and all of a sudden, it was Labor Day weekend! So, of course, I jumped at the opportunity to go back down to the good old South Texas. Family, Luke, camp, friends...what more could a girl ask for? So, for the past two days I've been working at Camp Zephyr (it is Retreat Season there) and now I'm back home with the family until tomorrow morning, when they will move my sister, Emily, into her new apartment in Houston and I will go back to Waco to get ready for the second week of school in my junior year of college. I really didn't think I would cry this time, leaving Luke and all. Normally, I cry like the rain falls after a ten year drought. Its rough, just ask the boy. How he holds it together is beyond me; I know it hurts him to see me cry like that. But anyway, I really thought I'd be good. I mean, I was able to see him for a couple of days and we'll be back together again in two weeks for another shot gun weekend. So what's the big deal you ask? Ughh..

If you have never been in a long distance relationship, you wouldn't understand. And if you haven't stuck out a long distance relationship, then you still wouldn't understand. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. I love this man, mind you. We plan on marrying in the somewhat near future (after we graduate!). And after spending three straight months with him, something my heart longs for year-round, all I want to do is be with him. Now, I'm not the kind of girl that needs to be with a guy 24/7, but our hearts grow closer than ever when we are able to spend so much continuous time together; that is not something I am able to have all of the time. And when I am torn from this, I am broken. So, prettty much, this weekend was nothing but a tease. Suckfest.

Will we be fine? Yes, of course. Do I know that this has to be in God's plan? Yes, of course. But does that make this any easier? Honestly? No, not really. I love Luke. I love him so much. And everyday that I don't get to spend with Him is a day of his life I miss out on. I do have to look on the bright side though. I am SO blessed to be loved by this man. A man of God that is willing to wait for me, no matter how hard it is and no matter how long it takes, as I finish school at Baylor and as he finishes school at A&M-Corpus Christi. Really, I have the best of both worlds. I'm able to focus on school, live with my sorority sisters, make young adults decisions, learn from my mistakes, and so much more as a young and independent woman on my own. At yet, I have the most amazing boyfriend who loves and supports me and is waiting for me at the end of this college road. Still...does this make saying goodbye to him any easier? No. Do I still miss him like crazy? Yes. And do I dream of the day when we can be together forever? Yes, all the time:)

Luke, I love you so much. And yes, I am going to post this sappy blog about you at almost 1 o'clock in the morning because I'm tired and can't stop thinking about you. But I love you and I thank God for you every day of my life. Thanks for being my best friend and boyfriend. I can't wait for the day when I don't have to leave and when you won't have to watch me drive away anymore. I love being in the circle with you and I love that no on else can come in:) I love that you call me turkey bird and I promise to come up with a cool name for you at some point! Thanks for being such a great example of patience and love. Thanks for opening my eyes to new ways of doing things and challenging me daily. It will never be dull, that's for sure! I love you with all my heart and I can't wait to see you in two-ish weeks!

Always in all ways,
Sara

Goodnight people!