20 February 2008

The Most Romantic Love Ever Known

To begin, the last few weeks of my life have been, well, intense, to say the least. When this semester started, I knew that taking 18 hours of school, working full time, participating in full time All University SING, taking a little in Tri Delta, singing in BRH, and just being quite awesome, I might add!, was going to be very draining and a bit stressful. However, I had no idea that I could get to this point. Sara Evelyn Martisek? Taking "being way too involved" to another level? Yes, I too could not fathom it, but it is possible, let me tell you.

Embarrassingly enough, I am now going to describe to you what I look like. I am wearing a pair of green Baylor sweatpants and a Lady Brahmas volleyball playoff t-shirt. My face has not seen make up since Monday and I only wore a little Monday night because I had a Tri Delta business meeting. I believe that my hair now has a permanent crease in it from my ponytail because that is how my hair has been worn for the past two weeks. It's disgusting really. I promise I showered last night!

Seriously though, I have been living a non-stop, crazy existence over the past couple of weeks and as of last night I could not figure out why my days felt so long and hard. However, last night at SING practice, it really hit me. Where has God been in all of this? Now the politically correct answer to this question is: right in the midst of it all. That is where God has been. Not because I've placed Him there, but because He is omniscient and omnipresent. But it hit me like a ton of bricks. The reason that I can't balance my time, the reason I am getting so frazzled over the little stuff, the reason I'm unhappy and unsatisfied with life is because I've left Him out of it. My creator, the Giver of all things good, the Reason I sing, dance, study, work, my Audience of One; I'd looked right passed Him.

After my Intro to PR class this afternoon, my professor, Maxey Parrish, and I started talking about SING, BRH, and just life in general. Maxey is the type of professor that truly invests in his students and wants to see the Lord at work in their lives. He shares God's love with all who have the honor of talking with him. Maxey had noticed how tired I looked (Maxey, if you are reading this, I was totally not offended by the fact that you noticed I did not look my best. I concur!) and asked me how I had been doing. I explained to him how exhausted I am and how busy my life has been. His next question to me only solidified what God had been telling me the night before. He asked, "How's your quite time?" This question led into what was probably the most meaningful conversation I have had with Maxey Parrish to date.

He began by reminding me that if you give God minutes He will give you hours; translated, spend time with God and He will navigate life for you. I explained to Maxey how my favorite time to talk with God are those few minutes before I go to bed every night when I can just tell Him all about my day, stresses, and worries. However, recently I had been falling asleep before I had the chance to talk with God. Being the great professor and Godly man that He is, Maxey asked me, "Sara, I know you can talk, but how well do you listen?" Honestly? Not very well.

The Bible tells us that when we are so distressed and there are no words, the Holy Spirit intervenes for us and cries out to the Lord in our place. Maxey explained to me that when we pray, if we are truly listening and are Spirit-filled, then what we hear is the Holy Spirit speaking to the God of the universe. Yes, in our heads we are praying to the Lord, but allowing the Spirit to intervene for us and listening to what God has to say is taking worship to a whole new level. God talking to Himself for us, about us, through us. What an amazing God. What an amazing love. What an amazing God.

1 John 4: 10 says, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." Real love is when you have nothing to gain, but you give it up anyway. This is what God did for us. Knowing that He would get nothing in return and not asking for anything either, He gave His Son Jesus, so that we could spend eternity with Him.

Sometimes I have a tough time feeling God's love. I think that alot of it has to do with the fact that I'm a girl and girl's desire to feel loved. God loves us and shows us this love, but not in a boy/girl romantic kind of love. His love is so much greater than any earthly love. So much, that He would speak to Himself in our justification through our longing to know Him more. So much, that He would send His only Son to die on the cross for our sins. Now that's romantic.

Needless to say, God has led me stright back into His arms by allowing me to realize that I was not giving my life and plans to Him. I was trying to live my life on my own, once again. No wonder I was so stressed out! Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Someone should tattoo that on my arm so that I will see it daily and not forget it!

Thank you God for loving me when I have needed it most and for revealing yourself to me in the most beautiful way possible. Amen.

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