The other day I was hanging out with my friend Miranda. I really like Miranda. She's a great girl who is very driven in life, loves to have fun, and has a big heart for the Lord. She's the kind of girl that I feel I can be 100% myself around because she is 100% herself with you, so real. I don't even remember what we were talking about (probably something related to Tri Delt b/c it was during rush and we are sorority sisters), but all of a sudden Miranda said, "I've decided that I'm going to work on not wanting what other people have." I thought that was a huge statement.
I really felt that God had given Miranda just those words to say to me. Sometimes I become so sick of myself because all I do is covet what other people have. God has given me all that I could ever need and more. I am so blessed to be attending Baylor, to be a Tri Delta, to have such a great family and amazing friends, to have such an amazing boyfriend, to have a job where I get to serve the Lord on a daily basis, to be so healthy, and to live such a comfortable life. And yet, I continue to want more and more. A Gucci purse, an SUV, super expensive clothes, Yurman jewelry, a super skinny body, etc. The list goes on and on. Really? I'm so sick of me.
On top of that, I worry so much about what others think of me. I worry about what my Tri Delta sisters think of me. If I'm wearing the right outfits or if I'm saying the right words. It's like I'm trying to be a clone of them. What happened to having your own brain? I worry about what other Christians think about me; if they think I'm "Christian" enough. I'm constantly trying to show people how good of a Christian I am that I'm forgetting about what serving the Lord is all about. I spend so much time trying to prove to everyone that I'm a woman of God that I forget to be. In the end, I find myself feeling like a fool, like I'm letting God down. Really? I'm so sick of me.
Miranda's words really hit me. I have decided that I am going to start making an effort to not want what others have, but want what I already have: A beautiful life that God has blessed tremendously and given to me so mercifully. I'm also going to focus more on making Jesus Christ my Audience of One. The only person that I need to be living for and pleasing is Him. And when others do look at me or judge me, all I want them to see is a daughter of the King who serves Him with her whole heart. I want to be more selfless. I talk about myself alot, when instead I should be sharing Christ's love. That's not who my Savior desires for me to be; it's not who He has created me to be.
So, I'm going to not want what others have, stop trying to live up to others expectations, and try to be less selfish. If you want to call them new year's resolutions, go for it. But I'm going to call them life goals. Thank God for friends like Miranda who do not even know God used them, but allow Him to do so anyway, and bless the lives of people like me. God works in mysterious ways. And for me, in blunt, in your face, kind of ways.
Blessings.
Showing posts with label Tough Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tough Stuff. Show all posts
13 January 2008
11 December 2007
My Loss of Wisdom
This is the story of how I lost my wisdom.
As of last summer, my wisdom teeth had not yet begun to develop. However, this semester they decided to drive their way through my jaw bone and up into my mouth, where the oral surgeon said there was no room. This happened in a matter of about three months. This morning they were taken out. Talk about a crazy experience.
For one, I was very nervous because, as of then, I had never been under anesthesia before. While driving to Victoria where my oral surgeon was, my mother wanted me to call my dad. I asked why and she told me, "I want you to talk to him before you go under just incase you don't come back." I think she meant for it to be funny. I bursted out in tears. Talk about awkward and uncomfortable. I forgave her though.
Anyway, she and my nana took me this morning to the dental office where the procedure was going to take place. My appointment was set for 9:30 a.m. Sometimes when I'm legitimately anxious, I become really quite. I was just sitting in the waiting room and this cute old man, who could barely hear, began talking to me. We talked about the tooth he was having pulled and my wisdom teeth that were about to come out and for some reason, I started to feel a little better. If this guy could have such a relaxed attitude about having his tooth pulled, I figured that I should too. He was funny. He didn't like how uncomfortable the chairs in the waiting room were.
When the nurse called me to go back to the room where the surgery was going to take place, I was feeling alright. I was a little sad because I couldn't get ahold of Luke and I had really wanted to talk to him before the surgery. My nurse's name was Juanita and she was really sweet. The first time she tried to give me an IV (sp?), my blood would not flow. She moved over to my left arm and it worked. Thank God, because I was not going to let her poke me a third time. That's when I started to get a little nervous. I watched her put medicine into the IV and she told me it would start to make me feel very relaxed. My mom was in the room and I think I sort of called out to her, scared about the way I was beginning to feel. The doctor came into the room, my mom left, and the nurse asked me about Luke. That calmed me down and I began to talk about how long we'd been together. And then I was out; I do not remember a thing after that. However, I think I may have come in and out of the anesthesia a little bit because I can remember hearing people talking. Weird, huh?
The next thing I remember, I was getting into the car and telling my nurse how great she had been. I'm pretty sure I sounded like an idiot. I slept all the way home and when we got home that's when the pain hit. However, I took one pain pill and four advil and I'm fine! No, for real, I feel great! I'm even about to go to my sister's basketball game. My mom told me that I can't let my gause hang out of my mouth though. Dang it. Ha!
Overall, it was a way better experience then I had envisioned. I'm glad they took out all four at once though, because I would rather not go through that again.
And that's how I lost my wisdom.
As of last summer, my wisdom teeth had not yet begun to develop. However, this semester they decided to drive their way through my jaw bone and up into my mouth, where the oral surgeon said there was no room. This happened in a matter of about three months. This morning they were taken out. Talk about a crazy experience.
For one, I was very nervous because, as of then, I had never been under anesthesia before. While driving to Victoria where my oral surgeon was, my mother wanted me to call my dad. I asked why and she told me, "I want you to talk to him before you go under just incase you don't come back." I think she meant for it to be funny. I bursted out in tears. Talk about awkward and uncomfortable. I forgave her though.
Anyway, she and my nana took me this morning to the dental office where the procedure was going to take place. My appointment was set for 9:30 a.m. Sometimes when I'm legitimately anxious, I become really quite. I was just sitting in the waiting room and this cute old man, who could barely hear, began talking to me. We talked about the tooth he was having pulled and my wisdom teeth that were about to come out and for some reason, I started to feel a little better. If this guy could have such a relaxed attitude about having his tooth pulled, I figured that I should too. He was funny. He didn't like how uncomfortable the chairs in the waiting room were.
When the nurse called me to go back to the room where the surgery was going to take place, I was feeling alright. I was a little sad because I couldn't get ahold of Luke and I had really wanted to talk to him before the surgery. My nurse's name was Juanita and she was really sweet. The first time she tried to give me an IV (sp?), my blood would not flow. She moved over to my left arm and it worked. Thank God, because I was not going to let her poke me a third time. That's when I started to get a little nervous. I watched her put medicine into the IV and she told me it would start to make me feel very relaxed. My mom was in the room and I think I sort of called out to her, scared about the way I was beginning to feel. The doctor came into the room, my mom left, and the nurse asked me about Luke. That calmed me down and I began to talk about how long we'd been together. And then I was out; I do not remember a thing after that. However, I think I may have come in and out of the anesthesia a little bit because I can remember hearing people talking. Weird, huh?
The next thing I remember, I was getting into the car and telling my nurse how great she had been. I'm pretty sure I sounded like an idiot. I slept all the way home and when we got home that's when the pain hit. However, I took one pain pill and four advil and I'm fine! No, for real, I feel great! I'm even about to go to my sister's basketball game. My mom told me that I can't let my gause hang out of my mouth though. Dang it. Ha!
Overall, it was a way better experience then I had envisioned. I'm glad they took out all four at once though, because I would rather not go through that again.
And that's how I lost my wisdom.
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